Practice

I spent the last month and a half in London, jumping headlong into the busy city life of running from rehearsal to social hang to gig to recording to photo shoot. Which was glamorous, maybe?, but mostly I lacked any sense of routine or home, and most importantly practice… By week two of the London haul, I was feeling bodily tired, distracted, forgetful. Not to mention my voice; while it held up remarkably well - I was aware of a persistent throb or soreness, which I came to attribute less to poor usage or too much usage, but instead to poor resting and lack of recharging (maybe also too much booze and poor food habits? It’s tough not being in your own kitchen…). 

I’m back in Lisbon for a few weeks now, and while there is still no routine or home (we’re in the process of moving house…) at least I have an excuse not to be booking myself silly with outings, work, and events. So this morning I went and took a nice long, slow, yoga class. From the very first moment of lying down on the mat, being held in my practice by another human being, my body instantly remembered how amazing this is. Wow. To stop, fullll stop, and feel what is HERE and NOW. All the sensations that are evidence of a too-long lack of attention to my body, but welcomed with passionate curiosity, Yes! Hello! Ah yes remember me? And to make my way slowly through a reacquaintance of what it really feels like to be a living body. Yum. 

photo credit Elia Pellegrini

I teach this stuff - embodiment, yielding, presence, flow, acceptance - but even I struggle to make this a part of my daily life at times. When I’m in my cocoon of routine, supported by my teaching practice, I find my way into this delicious space often enough. But when the other world of attainment, extraverted engagement, efficiency, productivity, pressure, sweeps me off my feet and away from routine and home, I am soo soo guilty of letting that precious space disappear. 

I am grateful for these lessons, though, grateful for moments like this last month in London where I drop the ball, because when I do return, I have more compassion both for myself and for others, understanding how difficult it can be to truly carve out time and space for loving yourself, for truly resting, and caring, and doing the essential work of connecting to what really matters. 

It reminds me that in these moments when we go out to pursue our goals, to find “success”, to push our careers forward, to network, make and create, we can easily get wrapped up in those activities as our markers of self, as the evidence of our worthiness, as our benchmark for happiness. But in reality, there is always, and I mean always, the option to, through embodiment, return to now, the unfolding of being, where you realise that you are and have everything, you are already “successful”, you are all right. It’s not some panacea to ignore feelings of pain and unhappiness, I mean it’s the full embrace that WITH pain and unhappiness, as with vitality and joy, we are so fully human and alive, now. We are resourceful, beautiful creatures in everything we experience now now now, in and of and with our bodies, our selves. 

Sometimes by going away from the thing we love, coming back to it reaffirms how important it is to us. Then maybe next time we’re able to carry it a little more with us into the fray, until we lose it again, and have to return.

It ain’t easy folks. Life is tough, it’s distracting, the to-do list never frikin ends. And while it’s comforting to know the antidote is so close within reach, we still need a little support sometimes to return home. For me today, it was doing an online yoga class. For you it might be coming to one of my classes. There’s a beautiful ecosystem of giving and taking out there, I’m happy to be part of it and to remind myself, as much as anyone else, that we don’t have to everything by ourselves.

Well, that’s it for today’s ramble. Much love from sunny Lisbon!